Nine Nonsensical Rhymes on the Saffron Brigade

A week or so ago I had posted some limericks on the saffron brigade on Face Book. I’m now posting all nine here.

Saffron has been given a religious hue
by people who don’t have a clue
but think that the bovine
is next to the divine
but talk instead of going `moo moo’.

Many of those wearing saffron these days
are freaking out in mysterious ways
some are raving, some are ranting
some are just busy chanting
while some are in a completely looney place

The saffron brigade’s raising a furore
minorities have to be shown the door
if ghar wapsi they don’t choose
the saffronites will blow a fuse
and burn in their knickers, I’m sure

Women and men of the saffron brigade
are very pious, it is often said
their piety is glorious
yet they are so furious
for no one listens to their tirade.

Elements of the hindutva fringe
Are these days on a saffron binge
they rave and they rant
they shout and chant
in a language that makes you cringe.

The saffron brigade I’m told
is enjoying their age of gold
for them this is cool
an opportunity to fool
the brainless twits in their fold.

Men and women wearing a saffron hue
are at the top of the fools who’s who
for they spare no pains
being assured of much gains
if they can use their minds as their loo.

Khaki and saffron are these days frothing
and are generally quite busy loathing
all different coloured apparel
`cause they’re itching for a quarrel
being wolves in sheep’s clothing

Saffron is the colour of the season
but for no rhyme or reason
if a colour is not saffron
even if it’s an apron
you could be charged with treason.

The Assembly at Wembley

A man from India went to a stadium in Wembley,
where he had to address a very large assembly.

Here awestruck NRIs and a fawning national press,
went euphoric about his `historic’ address.

Such a consummate performer for the NRIs he was,
an expert at demagoguery without a pause

He talked FDI, FII and of other such glories,
and spun a web of market friendly stories

He spoke of pluralism, tolerance and acceptance,
making what was perhaps an off-shore repentance.

For the country in which he’s mandated to govern,
cultural thugs are set loose to lynch and burn.

Though knowing well that the regime in his own country,
operates quite contrary to his well-crafted oratory.

In the UK, USA and places where liberalism thrives,
to say anything else would bring out the knives.

Now that the game has ended, and the speech is over,
I wonder how he will end this elaborate makeover.

Let’s connect the dots, and add an interjection,
will a leopard change his spots? Now, that is a question!

The Holy Cow: Some Irreverent Thoughts

BJP is Congress but with a cow, says Shourie,
this is certainly bound to raise a lot of fury.

The cow, I’m being told by our friendly hindutva goon,
has stopped jumping over the shiny moon.

She has, it’s said, turned around and is instead doing,
a lot of cultured and sanskriti oriented mooing.

It’s also in some quarters firmly the belief,
that cowdung and cow urine brings great relief .

So what she urinates and what she defecates,
should be served in India, that is Bharat, on our plates.

Our great civilization say the Khaki chaddi wallas,
was conceived and delivered in various gau-shalas.

To utter the cow word these days I’m constrained to say
can cause a lot of khaki shorts to march your way.

So, if the BJP is Congress plus the cow,
isn’t it time for someone to lynch it now?

O Lentil, please be still!

What can I say about lentils these days,
like god it seems to move in strange ways,
its prices have thrown things off gear,
a lentil less meal is the India’s new fear.

The Indian’s love for the shiny glob of dal,
the rice and roti’s long standing pal,
green, yellow, red and of other colourful hues,
the lentil is now making headlines in the news.

Of course there are matters of graver concern
like dalit children being locked up to burn,
or lynching of a muslim for supposedly eating beef,
but it’s the lentil which is causing unspoken grief.

First the onion, and now the good old lentil,
prices of these tiny goodies refuse to be still,
we watch in awe as they soar and sway,
reducing our proteins and calories a little each day.

Lentils are something what the average Indians want,
while about beef and pork our hindutva loonies rant,
a few chapatis, some dal and the luxury of an onion,
is for a poor Indian a gastronomic luxury, in my opinion.

An ordinary person’s ordinary food on an ordinary day
is threatened by the ineptitude of governance today,
while diet in today’s India has become a four letter word,
will lentils become more expensive than beef? How absurd.

Remembering Dadri

I’m told that our country is turning a new leaf,
spurred as it is over the question of eating beef,
and genuinely irked as we are about cow slaughter
we are fine when it comes to sacrificing the daughter.

In a country charged with equal rights for minorities
hindutva seeks to turn them into meaningless entities
what they do, how they live and eat, will be a majority concern
if we hit them hard enough, this the minorities will soon learn.

It’s not the first time that we have collectively slaughtered
In the past, we’ve killed, as if people’s lives hardly mattered
but what was it about the lynching at Dadri,
that set a new bench mark in collective butchery?

The lynching of Mohammad Akhlaq on a dietary suspicion
is the nadir that we can reach as a nation,
for the outcry against beef, as is being now done
is just a metaphor for destroying a people’s religion.

Seven Limericks on a Great Minister of Culture

I

A cultural man of some dubious distinction,
being worried about his culture’s extinction,
woke up one day,
and wanted to have his say,
on matters on which he had no comprehension

II
There is a certain cultural minister,
who tries not to look overtly sinister,
but it so comes to pass,
he leaves odorous gas,
when he opens his oral canister.

IIII
A minister of culture declares with great elation
that he has secret plan to cleanse the nation
he has a detergent
and a waiting contingent
who in drains and gutters find their station.

IV
A culture minister now says quite regularly,
that all animals four legged should be treated fairly,
so he wants to ban all meats,
and other such delightful treats,
he has a vegetable’s state of mind quite clearly.

V
A minister who minds our sanskriti,
has nothing but delightful empathy,
in order to conserve it,
and so to preserve it,
he blames all minorities for their antipathy.

VI
A minister of culture in this dispensation,
Has an interesting cultural pretension,
he has been waxing eloquent,
but with ideas so delinquent,
that clowns are facing serious competition.

VII
A cultural minister in cloud cuckoo land,
who wanted to become a one man band,
so he started to play,
and began to bray,
while scratching his unmentionable with one hand.

When Culture is Vandalized

When culture is vandalized,
and a nation  pulverized,
what emerges from the debris,
makes civilization a mockery.

When culture is vandalized,
and liberalism demonized ,
what emerges from the rubble,
is a lousy fascist rabble.

When a culture is vandalized,
and minorities victimized,
what emerges from the ruins,
are humanities collective sins.

When culture is vandalized,
a society viciously cannibalized,
what emerges from the bones,
is a collective of morons.

When culture is vandalized
and a society viciously incendiarised.
what emerge from its ashes
are a whole lot of right wing asses.
.